We have such a long, storied history of league websites and content and it’s all thanks to Tech. Thanks, Tech. I used to write the most hateful shit about you dummies on a weekly basis. And then we took a break. And now we’re back! What a rollercoaster. Here are some rankings to make you mad!

12. Stein

We almost had to move on a mid-draft disciplinary action he was so out of pocket. Ignore the simultaneous drafts. Throw away the egregious auto drafting debacle. He then muttered for the rest of the draft blaming Yahoo! And everyone else for his foibles. His ranking is based on his draft day behaviour not his team — as I said on Monday, he’s had zero luck by drafting players he was targeting, so maybe the auto draft bears fruit. I don’t mind his squad. Some high-end talent. Love Joey B. Love Bijan. GUS BUS. Playoffs calling if he can hold it together.

N8

I didn’t rank him for years, can’t even remember why. He skips into the 11 spot due to stein’s punishment. Team might be ass. Has an A1+ player at every important spot, but also some really poopy guys. Some Hail Mary guys (Braelon, Tyrone) that could hit, but they won’t. Also his name is really stupid.

10. Coco

Woof. The low end of this roster is uglier than Karl’s nutsac. Nice looking WRs, but nobody starting Bateman Week 1 deserves anything higher than 10th.

9. Ditka

It was nice to see Karl on Monday. Especially nice as I was able to bully him out of picks in person. Look, he’s got some sexy, fun guys, but it’s not looking great.

8. Tech

Spazzed a bit but ended up with a team. Needs a trade. Those WRs are insane. But my god he is taking the zero RB strategy a little too literally.

7. Crich

My team is good. Huge risk at QB, a bit thin at WR, deep at RB. Fun fact — none of my players cost $40 or more. That was the lowest of any team. That lack of premium talent might get me in the end, but the team is balanced and it will be worth it as a lifelong Bears fan (redshirt season) to watch
my boys out there on the gridiron. Speaking of Gridiron…

6. GIG

Panic. You could smell it in the room. It could’ve been my burrito but I think it was panic. No plan and it shows — grabbed Reek early then sat on his cash only to use it on a bunch of guys who may be “value” picks, but kind of stink. Like the aforementioned burrito. Budgies was actually pretty good. Quick, cheap, and flavourful. Like Garc’s mouth.

5. Lep

Sure. I guess. A lot to like. A few things weren’t great. He will be there in the end. It’s Garc. Great new draft location. Next time it’s rooftop drafting.

4. Ooze

Don’t much like this team either tbh. Seemed to have a lot going on on draft day and may have been rushing to spend with early bids as a result. Don’t love Kyler but he always streams QB. Actually like some of his flyers — Rhamondre, Ferguson, Chubba. Not his best draft but has all the pieces to be in the mix. Pickens. Watch out.

3. Hoff

Really liked the hat he was wearing on Monday. Had a whole story about it too. Golf hats are nice. They say “hey, I golf”. Ok, cool guy calm down. Needs Saquon to pop and Keenan to stay healthy.

2. Skip

Classic Skip. Even keeled. All value. No overpays.

1. Peaty

Great draft performance. Zoomed in and hung out whole time. I’d forget he was there and then he’d shout some shit out. Good team!

Think he’s got the highest floor and a considerable ceiling. A recipe for success.

Happy football eve, gents. An honour.